Lifestyle

No Contact Done Right: Do THIS To Get Your Ex Back Without Seeming Needy

Published

3 years ago

September 11, 2023

If your girlfriend or wife said she wanted space, she’s ghosted you, blocked you on all social media accounts, and even told you she never wants to speak with you again, I’m going to help you get her back using no contact the right way. Now, I say no contact the right way because, after helping hundreds of men win back their wives or girlfriends, I’ve seen that most men come to me with awful prior advice. And it’s not your fault because there’s so much conflicting advice on properly doing no contact.

I call these other approaches insecure approaches. On one end, you get the “Bro Macho” approach, where you’re told never to respond to your wife or girlfriend, even if she reaches out to you. You’ll hear this: “Bro, you must never talk to her again. Make her feel that she messed up.” Usually, this means start posting on social media of you on dates with other girls, and then she will see what she lost when she sees that you’re dating hotter women than her. She’s going to come crawling back to you. If you use that approach, it’ll just confirm one thing in her mind: that you’re moving on, and so should she. That’s it.

On the other extreme, you get people saying this about no contact:

“The best way to win her back is to give her love letters, to flood her with affection, let her know no matter what happens, she can have as much space as she wants, and deliver flowers to her door every day to prove how much you care.”

That no-contact approach is the fastest way to get zero respect from her, and a woman who doesn’t respect the guy she’s with doesn’t stay with the guy she’s with. She loses all traction.

So then, how do you practice no contact to get the best chance to win her back? First, I will tell you what is going on in her mind. Secondly, I will show you why no contact works, and then I will prove it with scientific studies. Lastly, I will give you a three-step plan based on other scientific studies that you can use to start getting a chance to get her back.

What’s Going On In Her Mind?

So, let’s talk about what’s going on in her mind. First, she’s going through the dual-mind narrative. I want you to imagine that there’s this tipping scale where, on one side, there are positive emotions and the decision to be with you, and on the other side are all the negative experiences and the decision not to be with you. Even though she pulled away and she’s not talking to you, even if she said she was done, she’s still questioning if you’re the right person for her. Even if it’s just a tiny part, a part of her thinks you are the right person. Her pulling away, creating space, threatening divorce, whatever the case may be, is a test to see how you will respond.

With the “Bro Macho” approach, when you’re essentially seeing other women, she’s thinking, “Cool, a man I’m with will not go see another girl when I pull away.” But on the other side, the “needy guy” approach of chasing after her also confirms in her mind that you’re not the right person because it paints you as low value.

She wants to see how you’ll react when she pulls away and creates that space. An insecure man reacts either needy or gets all defensive and angry, and that just confirms in her subconscious mind that you are low value, and she’s not going to be with a low value man. You must respond the correct way.

Why No-Contact Works:

Before we get into solutions, we must first understand this key component: that initial space is necessary for her to calm down her emotions. If you do anything in those first couple of weeks to contact her, to reach out to her, or to pull away extra, it’ll just confirm in her mind that it will be over. Anything you do in those moments will be seen through a negative lens. This is why when the guys buy her flowers, take her on dates, and come home more often, it’s all seen as manipulative. She’s viewing you through the veil of negativity of this insecure, needy guy. And when you’re doing these extra things, you’re going above and beyond, it seems insecure.

As hard as it is, you must allow that space for rationality. Once the negative emotions come down, she can see the relationship through a proper lens. Science even backs this up.

Study

One study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships called “Taking a Break Revisited: Do People Use Relationship Breaks to Form Clear Opinions About Their Partner?” The study shows that couples taking breaks before deciding to reconcile were twice as likely to return stronger than before. This space allows her to miss you. If you’re constantly smothering her and she’s seeing you as a low-value guy, you’re not allowing her to miss you or want you back. As hard as it is for an anxious person, you must create that space. That is your test to pass. After that initial space, that’s when you start emotionally investing positively with these steps.

The Journal of Social Psychology had an article called “How to Win Your Ex Back: A Three-Step Plan for Getting Your Former Partner.” They found that men who tried to win their ex-partners back by contacting them frequently were far less likely to succeed than those who gave their partners space. The researchers took 155 participants who reported attempting to reconcile with an ex, and they found that participants who followed this plan were twice as likely to win their partner back.

Understanding the root cause

The first exercise you need to do is to understand the root causes of why she pulled away. A symptom-level cause is something that your ex will tell you because they’re not aware of their root causes. For example, I had a new guy come to my program, and he said to me that the reason she was pulling away was crazy. She brought up that he changed the radio station when they were in the car because he didn’t like the song she was playing. That’s not the only reason that caused him so much anger and confusion. Like, “You’re leaving me. You’re ending this marriage because I wouldn’t let you pick the song?”

That’s not the real reason.

You must have a proper understanding of the root causes, or you won’t accurately know how to get her back. This reflects the time during this space is vital for you to know exactly what to do next. After clearly identifying all the issues, you can take corrective action.

Maintenance

The last step is maintenance. Maintenance is crucial if you want to keep her after she returns to you, and all of these changes you’ve made while doing no contact need to be permanent. The problem with many men is once they start to get their wives back, they fall back into the same habits that they were doing before she left in the first place. This will make her think, ”The changes were fake. I knew it. I’m completely gone.” This maintenance phase of correcting the root-level issues and making those changes permanent is critical.

If you need extra help with your specific situation, I have a coaching program that helps men get their wives back. Contact me, and we’ll see if we fit you well.

To learn more about our Pinnacle Marriage Coaching, check out the website HERE.

To learn how to save or improve marriage, check out this YouTube channel: HERE.

Lifestyle

Why Toba Ogunremi Believes High-Performing Teams Start with Belonging, Not Pressure

Published

1 day ago

July 23, 2026

Michelle Langton

Most teams don’t fall apart all at once. It happens slowly, missed conversations, quiet disengagement, people doing what’s required but nothing more.

Toba Ogunremi has spent years working inside care environments where that kind of shift is easy to miss until it starts affecting everything. Leading operations at Samorem Care in the UK, he has seen how systems can appear stable on the surface while teams underneath struggle to stay connected to their work.

One experience early in his career changed how he looks at leadership entirely.

He had taken over a team that wasn’t in crisis, but it wasn’t working well either. The people receiving care were safe, but they weren’t thriving. The same was true for the staff. There was no urgency, no energy, just routine.

The usual solution would have been to tighten control by setting new targets, increasing supervision, and creating performance plans. He didn’t do any of that.

“I started with conversations,” he says. “Real ones. Not rushed, not formal.”

One by one, he spoke to each team member. What came out wasn’t frustration with the job itself, but something quieter and harder to spot.

“They weren’t disengaged because they didn’t care,” he explains. “They were disengaged because they felt unseen.”

No one had asked what they thought. No one had taken the time to understand how they were coping. Over time, that absence had turned into distance. That moment stayed with him. It shaped how he leads today.

His approach is simple, but not always easy to apply: people perform better when they feel they belong.

He believes high performance usually comes when people feel like they genuinely belong and know that what they do actually matters.

In healthcare, where pressure is constant and expectations are high, this idea can sound secondary. The focus is often on outcomes, compliance, and efficiency. Toba doesn’t dismiss those things, but he questions what happens when they become the only focus.

Even when all the processes are in place, if the people delivering the care feel disconnected, it eventually reflects in the quality of the work.

At Samorem Care, this thinking shows up in small but consistent ways. Recruitment is not just about experience. It’s about how someone responds to people, how they handle pressure, and how they communicate. Once they are in, the focus shifts to keeping teams stable and supported, rather than constantly rotating staff or reacting only when something goes wrong. He also pays attention to how leaders show up day to day.

According to him, leadership is not just about giving direction; it’s about being present enough to understand what your team actually needs.

That presence matters more in care than in most industries. The work is demanding, often emotional, and not always recognised for what it takes. When teams feel stretched or overlooked, it affects how they interact with the people they support.

For Toba, resilience is less about constant pressure and more about creating a work environment where people can do their jobs well without burning out. In his view, strong teams are not just coping; they are supported enough to stay clear-headed and consistent in their work.

His background outside healthcare still shapes how he leads. Having worked in sales and communications, he understands how important it is to read people and build trust. In healthcare, though, the impact is far more direct, as decisions affect someone’s everyday life, not just an outcome on paper.

That shift makes leadership more personal. Teams need more than instructions; they need stability, clarity, and a sense that they are understood. What defines Toba Ogunremi’s approach is its simplicity. He focuses on being consistent, listening carefully, and addressing issues early rather than reacting late.

In the end, his belief is straightforward: teams perform better not because they are pushed harder, but because they feel valued and part of something that works.