Lifestyle

How to Identify the Top 25 People In Your Immediate Circle and Why This Matters

Published

3 years ago

February 15, 2023

In the digital age, making friends is easier than it has ever been with social media allowing for instant and ongoing connections with a virtually limitless number of people. On Facebook alone, today’s average user has more than 300 friends.

As with most things, however, quantity does not necessarily translate to quality.

“How many friends should you have?” asks Mark Lacek, author of the book “So, Who’s In Your Circle?” and creator of the My-Circle app. “It is something you need to consider if you want to build bonds with your friends that are stronger than ever and walk through this crazy and exciting life together. The digital age calls us to be a mile wide and an inch deep when it comes to friendships. But focus matters.”

Mark’s philosophy regarding friendship is that loyal friends are the only kinds of friends you want in your life. He also knows that having and enjoying loyal friendships takes some work. His book provides a roadmap for whittling down the ever-growing “friends list” we have built on social media to create a more manageable and satisfying personal social network.

“My goal in authoring my book is to help people intentionally, efficiently, and effectively determine how many of their friends can reasonably fit into their lives,” Mark says. “Our lives are so busy that it is a challenge to make time for friendships. We need a strategy for optimizing our time with friends and building deeper relationships with the ones who matter most.”

Optimizing your circle of friends

When it comes to friendships, many people have an inner circle. These are your “besties.” They are typically the two to five people who you cannot imagine doing life without.

Your inner circle is important, but it should not represent the totality of your friendships. Right outside of that inner circle should be a group of great friends who have won your trust, loyalty, and respect. Mark calls these people “My 25” and recommends an intentional approach to identifying who they are.

“If you are blessed with a broad array of friends, you know that they are true gold in life,” Mark says. “But we are not good at, nor have we typically given much thought to, organizing our friends. What can we do that will allow us to optimize our friendships over the course of our lives?”

Mark offers the following steps in his book for identifying those who would rank as our top 25 friends:

For those who work outside the home, begin by thinking about relationships with those whom you see most often. Close friends often are found in this group. However, spending a lot of time with someone does not automatically make them a close friend. You might log a lot of hours with a coworker during the day but never connect with that person outside of work. Those types of relationships probably would not qualify as one of your top 25 friendships.
Think of the friends you turn to when you have a problem and need help or advice. These are probably the people that you feel you can count on. You trust what they have to say and you respect them.
Think of the people who feel close to you even though they are far away geographically. If you have maintained a friendship with someone who lives several states away, that is a good indicator that they are a close friend.
Look at the lists of calls and texts on your phone or direct messages in your social media accounts. They provide a great gauge of the people who matter in our lives. That is not to say that your closest friends are those with whom you communicate most often; however, if you rarely place a call or send a text to someone, they probably will not rank among your top 25 friends.

Being intentional about friendships

The digital age has made it easier to have an abundance of friends, though it still hasn’t helped when it comes to authenticity in relationships. To find true happiness in our friendships, it is critical that we identify who our true friends are and focus our time and energy on them.

“There are so many studies that prove the value of having friends,” says Mark. “It isn’t only that they’re good for your health, which they are, and enrich your life, which they do, but also that they help you to become your best self and the person you were meant to be.”

Lifestyle

When Seasons Shift: Dr. Leeshe Grimes on Grief, Loneliness, and Finding Light Again

Published

3 days ago

February 22, 2026

Michelle Langton

Some emotional storms arrive without warning. A sudden change in weather, a holiday approaching, or even a bright sunny day can stir feelings that don’t match the world outside. For many people, the hardest seasons are not defined by temperature; they are defined by what’s happening inside, where grief and loneliness often move quietly.

This is the emotional terrain where Dr. Leeshe Grimes has spent her career doing some of her most meaningful work. As a psychotherapist, registered play therapist, retired U.S. Army combat veteran, and founder of Elevated Minds in the DMV area, she understands how deeply seasonal shifts and unresolved grief can affect people. Her upcoming books explore this very space, guiding readers through the emotional weight that can appear during different times of the year.

What sets Dr. Grimes apart is her ability to see clearly what many people overlook. Seasonal depression, for example, is usually tied to winter months. But she often sees it appear during warm, bright seasons, the times when the world seems happiest. For someone already grieving or feeling disconnected, watching others travel, celebrate, or gather can create its own kind of heaviness. Sunshine doesn’t always lift the mood; sometimes it highlights what feels missing.

The same misunderstanding surrounds grief. Society often treats it as a short-term experience with predictable phases and a clean ending. But in her practice, Dr. Grimes sees how grief keeps evolving. It doesn’t disappear on a timeline. It weaves itself into routines, memories, and milestones. People learn to carry it differently, but they rarely leave it behind completely. And that’s not failure, it’s human.

Her approach to mental health centers on truth rather than pressure. She encourages clients to acknowledge the emotions they try to hide: sadness that lingers longer than expected, moments of joy that feel out of place, and the waves of loneliness that return even when life seems stable. Instead of pushing for quick recovery, she focuses on helping people understand how emotions shift and how to care for themselves through those changes.

Much of her insight comes from her military years, where she witnessed the emotional toll of loss, transition, and constant survival. She saw how people continued functioning while carrying pain that had nowhere to go. That experience shaped her belief that healing requires space, space to feel, to speak, and to move through emotions without judgment.

In her clinical work today at Elevated Minds, she encourages people to build small, steady habits that anchor them during difficult seasons. Journaling helps them recognize patterns and name what feels heavy. Community support breaks the cycle of isolation. Therapy creates a place where emotions don’t have to be minimized or explained away. And intentional routines, daily sunlight, mindful breaks, and calm evenings help rebuild emotional balance.

Her upcoming books expand on these ideas, offering practical guidance for navigating both grief and seasonal depression. She focuses on helping readers understand that healing is not about escaping pain. It’s about learning how to live with it in a healthier way, honoring memories, acknowledging loneliness, and still allowing room for moments of light.

What makes Dr. Leeshe Grimes a compelling voice in mental health is her ability to bring language to experiences that many struggle to explain. She reminds people that emotional seasons don’t always match the weather and that there is no single path through grief. But within those shifts, she believes there is always a way forward.

The seasons will continue to change. And with the right tools, compassion, and support, people can change with them, finding steadiness, softness, and light again, one step at a time.