If your girlfriend or wife said she wanted space, she’s ghosted you, blocked you on all social media accounts, and even told you she never wants to speak with you again, I’m going to help you get her back using no contact the right way. Now, I say no contact the right way because, after helping hundreds of men win back their wives or girlfriends, I’ve seen that most men come to me with awful prior advice. And it’s not your fault because there’s so much conflicting advice on properly doing no contact.

I call these other approaches insecure approaches. On one end, you get the “Bro Macho” approach, where you’re told never to respond to your wife or girlfriend, even if she reaches out to you. You’ll hear this: “Bro, you must never talk to her again. Make her feel that she messed up.” Usually, this means start posting on social media of you on dates with other girls, and then she will see what she lost when she sees that you’re dating hotter women than her. She’s going to come crawling back to you. If you use that approach, it’ll just confirm one thing in her mind: that you’re moving on, and so should she. That’s it.

On the other extreme, you get people saying this about no contact:

“The best way to win her back is to give her love letters, to flood her with affection, let her know no matter what happens, she can have as much space as she wants, and deliver flowers to her door every day to prove how much you care.”

That no-contact approach is the fastest way to get zero respect from her, and a woman who doesn’t respect the guy she’s with doesn’t stay with the guy she’s with. She loses all traction.

So then, how do you practice no contact to get the best chance to win her back? First, I will tell you what is going on in her mind. Secondly, I will show you why no contact works, and then I will prove it with scientific studies. Lastly, I will give you a three-step plan based on other scientific studies that you can use to start getting a chance to get her back.

What’s Going On In Her Mind?

So, let’s talk about what’s going on in her mind. First, she’s going through the dual-mind narrative. I want you to imagine that there’s this tipping scale where, on one side, there are positive emotions and the decision to be with you, and on the other side are all the negative experiences and the decision not to be with you. Even though she pulled away and she’s not talking to you, even if she said she was done, she’s still questioning if you’re the right person for her. Even if it’s just a tiny part, a part of her thinks you are the right person. Her pulling away, creating space, threatening divorce, whatever the case may be, is a test to see how you will respond.

With the “Bro Macho” approach, when you’re essentially seeing other women, she’s thinking, “Cool, a man I’m with will not go see another girl when I pull away.” But on the other side, the “needy guy” approach of chasing after her also confirms in her mind that you’re not the right person because it paints you as low value.

She wants to see how you’ll react when she pulls away and creates that space. An insecure man reacts either needy or gets all defensive and angry, and that just confirms in her subconscious mind that you are low value, and she’s not going to be with a low value man. You must respond the correct way. 

Why No-Contact Works:

Before we get into solutions, we must first understand this key component: that initial space is necessary for her to calm down her emotions. If you do anything in those first couple of weeks to contact her, to reach out to her, or to pull away extra, it’ll just confirm in her mind that it will be over. Anything you do in those moments will be seen through a negative lens. This is why when the guys buy her flowers, take her on dates, and come home more often, it’s all seen as manipulative. She’s viewing you through the veil of negativity of this insecure, needy guy. And when you’re doing these extra things, you’re going above and beyond, it seems insecure.

As hard as it is, you must allow that space for rationality. Once the negative emotions come down, she can see the relationship through a proper lens. Science even backs this up.

Study 

One study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships called “Taking a Break Revisited: Do People Use Relationship Breaks to Form Clear Opinions About Their Partner?” The study shows that couples taking breaks before deciding to reconcile were twice as likely to return stronger than before. This space allows her to miss you. If you’re constantly smothering her and she’s seeing you as a low-value guy, you’re not allowing her to miss you or want you back. As hard as it is for an anxious person, you must create that space. That is your test to pass. After that initial space, that’s when you start emotionally investing positively with these steps.

The Journal of Social Psychology had an article called “How to Win Your Ex Back: A Three-Step Plan for Getting Your Former Partner.” They found that men who tried to win their ex-partners back by contacting them frequently were far less likely to succeed than those who gave their partners space. The researchers took 155 participants who reported attempting to reconcile with an ex, and they found that participants who followed this plan were twice as likely to win their partner back.

Understanding the root cause

 The first exercise you need to do is to understand the root causes of why she pulled away. A symptom-level cause is something that your ex will tell you because they’re not aware of their root causes. For example, I had a new guy come to my program, and he said to me that the reason she was pulling away was crazy. She brought up that he changed the radio station when they were in the car because he didn’t like the song she was playing. That’s not the only reason that caused him so much anger and confusion. Like, “You’re leaving me. You’re ending this marriage because I wouldn’t let you pick the song?”

That’s not the real reason.

 You must have a proper understanding of the root causes, or you won’t accurately know how to get her back. This reflects the time during this space is vital for you to know exactly what to do next. After clearly identifying all the issues, you can take corrective action.

Maintenance

The last step is maintenance. Maintenance is crucial if you want to keep her after she returns to you, and all of these changes you’ve made while doing no contact need to be permanent. The problem with many men is once they start to get their wives back, they fall back into the same habits that they were doing before she left in the first place. This will make her think, ”The changes were fake. I knew it. I’m completely gone.” This maintenance phase of correcting the root-level issues and making those changes permanent is critical.

If you need extra help with your specific situation, I have a coaching program that helps men get their wives back. Contact me, and we’ll see if we fit you well.

To learn more about our Pinnacle Marriage Coaching, check out the website HERE.

 To learn how to save or improve marriage, check out this YouTube channel: HERE.